The Last Two Months

I haven’t been posting much the last two months. The reasons are I was exhausted and I wasn’t ready to talk about what was happening.
Right before my 44th birthday (end of October) I found out I was pregnant. The actual events were I took a test, it came back positive, but it took longer than it was supposed to, so the results were considered "inconclusive." I took a test the next day, the results were faint (still positive) so they were also inconclusive. I waited two more days took the test again. This time it was positive – with no problems. I was pretty sure without the tests, the signs were there.
So now I need to find a way to tell my husband. Rich likes big expensive toys. I had been telling him he could get certain things after our second child was born. One of these things was a climbing rock or wall in the back yard. So I looked up the websites for climbing rocks and walls and requested information. After a day or two, I realized the brochures were going to take too long. I opened up the webpages and told my husband to check them out. He got a funny look on his face and asked if I was telling him something. I then asked what it was about October with him – Carl was also concieved in October.
I then started talking to Carl about it. This including talking about what a brother or sister would be, having a new baby and things like that. He for the most part seemed to like the idea.
I then have to figure out how to drop from Weight Watchers without my mom (who goes with me) knowing. I also had to figure out what to do to drop the membership and such. This took a little bit of time.
Then my mom was over, I can’t remember why. She was playing with Carl and asked if were thinking of giving him a sibling. I got a funny look on my face. She then guessed. I asked her not to tell anyone.
I schedule an OB-Gyn appointment. I make sure the vitamins I am taking have enough Folic Acid in them. I put my Weight Watchers membership on hold. I went very early, so I could talk to my leader in private. He was happy for me and mentioned that was why my weight loss stopped and I wasn’t too bothered by it. We were overheard by one woman, who swore silence.
It was a funny feeling being pregnant and realizing how old I would be when this child was in high school. Many people my age are grandparents. But many of them were also teenaged parents and I do like being an older mom. I had so much fun being single in my twenties and thirties. I was looking for someone to marry and I did want to have kids. But since I didn’t I made sure I had a lot of fun.
My dad and his wife found out. Carl was talking on the phone to Dad and said "Mommy’s tired she’s having a baby," I then grabbed the phone pretty quick. Both Dad and Judi heard. It was pretty funny. They too were sworn to secrecy.
I decided to tell my brother Paul. He was pretty excited but he also was very busy in his job and school so he would probably forget. I knew he wouldn’t tell.
I told my grandma too – I see here so often and I wanted her to be a part of this. She was happy, but concerned because of my age. We talked about what the chances were first for me to even become pregnant, carry the baby to term and the chances of birth defects.
So my "told" count is up to Mom, Dr, WW leader plus one, Dad/Stepmom, Paul and Grandma. Rich and I compare notes on who we have told. He has told two people at work his boss and his bosses boss.
My mother, on the other hand, I find out has a big mouth. I was helping her pick up her new car at the dealership. The salesman – in a kind way, asks if I am the one that congratualtions are in order to. Great – who else have you told mom?
I had my first appointment just before Thanksgiving. The doctor felt everything and said it seemed right. It was too early for an ultrasound, they wanted to wait for about 10 more days (argh). So I scheduled the next appointment.
More family was here for Thanksgiving. My brother Dave and his kids were visiting (his wife had to work.) My mother pressured me to telling my brother and his daughter. I really wasn’t feeling very good and I didn’t want to tell them. But she hounded me – so I told them.
The next day there was a little spot of blood. The next day nothing but then the next another little spot. This continued for a week or so, then there is more blood. I tell Rich and cry. It isn’t much, but I call the doctor. They have me come go in for an ultrasound that day.
So Rich comes home for a bit to watch Carl, I drink my water and head off. I really can’t hold anything in my bladder like I used to, so I keep peeing and having to drink more. Oh well. I know what is happening. This is not the first time this has happened to me (I have miscarried before).
Another thing I notice – the tech doesn’t turn the overhead viewer on. I know I have lost the baby. I think about the statistics and I knew it was a long shot. Then the radiologist comes in and tells me that the baby is dead. Despite my already knowing this and really trying to prepare myself – I find myself crying. They give me some time. I have to go to my OB-Gyn’s office next door. She isn’t in, so I see an associate. We talk a bit about where I should have a D&C or wait awhile. She said they would put a message into my doctor for her opinion.
So I went home. I will say it is a lot nicer going home to a child after this news than to an empty house as I did before. Rich is supportive, but has to get back to work. He is on a deadline at work and his final is on Monday. My mom has also called while I was out, surprised to hear Rich and wonders what was going on. He didn’t know what to say really, so he says I will call her back.
I called her back and tell her I have lost the baby. She then says she is sorry. The second thing out of her mouth is not, "How can I help?" like any normal caring human being let alone MOTHER should say. The second thing out of her mouth is, "You have to call David." I then inform her there are a few more important things I have to take care of right this minute and gee maybe calling her favorite isn’t the most important right now. I did it carefully – maybe I need to be more blunt as I still cannot believe I have such a jerk for a mother. She did say she would tell Grandma that I lost the baby.
After I get off the phone I cry again – maybe my son will be an only child, like my mother is, and will end up psycho like her. No NO.
After I calm myself down and reassure myself that there are plenty of normal thriving only children out there, I call my Dad. Both he and my step mom are sad and want to help. They give the proper, "what can I do?" response. Dad offers to call my brothers.
I then get a call from my OB-Gyn office saying my D&C is scheduled for Monday. I am to report to the hospital maternity wing at 9 am. I ask if I will be ok afterwards to drive home. They said I would probably need a ride. That was all of my instructions… Good folks.
So I call Mom. I am still mad at her, but she is taking my grandma into her doctor appointment in a building next to the hospital on Monday afternoon, so this would be perfect for picking me up after the surgery.
It may seem funny that I don’t have my husband pick me up. His final was scheduled for that day. I didn’t know how long it would take and he had worked WAY to hard in this class to blow the grade (this is a PhD level Physics course.)
The weekend was a busy one (naturally). It was the Breakfast with Santa day at Rich’s office. It was Grandma’s birthday (her 97th – she is amazing). We had Symphony tickets. Carl stayed overnight with Mom, since she was babysitting him already. I set up the car seat in her new car so she could take Grandma to the doctor and pick me up.
Grandma cried and hugged me when she saw me on her birthday, saying how sorry she was. I think she was liking the idea of another great-grandchild.
Rich and I had a nice dinner before the symphony – at a little cafe across the street. The symphony preformed Handel’s Water Music, it is so pretty.
I remembered that before surgery you can’t eat that morning. I wasn’t sure about water – and I woke up so parched I had to drink something. Just a glass… After I was checked in the anaesthesiologist said the little bit of water was ok. My OB-Gyn was horrified that I had received such poor directions from her staff. I didn’t even bring my glasses or a contacts case.
I remembered the nurse who checked me in from when I delivered Carl. She had been monitering him in the nursery (he had a little had problem when he was born.) In the morning she would bring him to me washed. combed and swaddled – so precious. I told her about this and that he would probably be with my mom when she picked me up. She was very excited to see him.
I was still really parched, but the saline IV was helping. I mentioned this to the nurse, so she opened it up even more. I felt fine, though my arm sure was cold.
After the surgery I felt fine. Mom, Carl and Grandma came up to my room while I was still in the gown. They decided to go to lunch after the nurses fussed over Carl for a bit.
By the time they came back I was ready to go – after the nurses fuss over Carl some more. Grandma had gotten too tired, so she too was in a wheelchair. She and I were both parked at the front enterance for Mom to pull the car around. It was kind of cute…
So Carl and I hang out at Moms. I started cramping later in the afternoon. I also start having the symptoms of a cold and sinus infection – yuck. Rich came to Mom’s. She fixed us all dinner. I am ready to head home. Rich laid down on the sofa and is freezing. He is running a fever and has a bad sinus headache. Mom thought that I should drive the family home – hello I am not to drive for 24 hours after anestesia. So we stay over night at Mom’s. The problem is my mother expects me – who has just had surgery and the same sinus infection – to get up and wait on Rich. I finally get it through her thick skull that I am not doing well either.
We spend most of the next day at Mom’s. Rich slept all day – he never calls in sick from work. Mom filled my pain med perscription. I feel a little bit better. By the late afternoon, we are finally able to drive the 15 minutes (if that) to our house. We are home.

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One Response to The Last Two Months

  1. Tanya says:

    I know I\’ve said it before, but I\’m so sorry for your loss.  I can\’t imagine what you went through, but then to have to deal with your Mom on top of all of that – horrible!  How are you feeling now?  I hope you have a good rest of the week 🙂  Hugs to you my friend.

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